Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Moving Forward After Heartache

It’s never easy when a relationship ends. Whatever the reason for the relationship ending, whether or you wanted it to end or not, it a difficult thing to experience. The breakup of a long-term, committed relationship can turn your whole world upside down and can have a lot of painful feelings. There are things you can do to get through this. Even though you may feel really sad or overwhelmed, you have an opportunity to learn from the experience and grow into a stronger and wiser person.

A breakup can be painful because it represents the loss, not just of the relationship, but also of your hope and dreams. An intimate relationship begins with hope for the future. When a relationship ends, we can experience disappointment, stress, and grief.

When a breakup happens your life feels disrupted your routine with that person, and even your identity can feel uncertain. A breakup can make you feel uncertain about the future. What will life be like without your partner? Will you find someone else? Will you end up alone? Recovering from a breakup can be difficult. However, you can and will move on. But healing takes time, so allow yourself the time to heal.

Try removing all of the other person’s belongings and things they gifted you from you immediate presence. Try putting it in boxes and leaving the boxes alone for at least three months. Then you can decide if you want to keep anything from the box.

Other things to think about:

1. When you think of your ex, say delete, and keep saying it until that thought has gone. Repeat as often as you think of them.

2. Forget the whole "I feel him in my energy", "I see his name everywhere", "we are soulmates I can feel it" or "I dreamed he wanted me back" etc. It's not relevant to where you are right now and blocks the mourning process from resolving itself. It keeps a person stuck in focusing on the other person. Yes, you can sometimes pick up others energy, and yes, they may think of you, but try not to go too deep with this or into twin flame or soulmate rationalizations, especially if the other person was abusive, non-committal or committed to someone else. If you think you feel them in your energy, shake it off, tell yourself its not relevant and that if the person wants something they can contact you directly. Ask your higher self or guides that you be cleared of any cords or energies either coming from yourself or him to be removed and that you are moving forward.

3. Listen to the real signals and the facts rather than trying to interpret "signs". If you ex isn't contacting you back with calls or if they are telling you to leave them alone then give them space. Even if you have had ten psychics tell you he wants you back, try not to go into hope too much and allow what enfolds to enfolds respecting your ex's boundaries and again letting the mourning process complete uninterrupted.

4. If you have times where you really don't feel you have closure, then maybe you need to confront the situation and reach out, but again respect any response or lack of it or if it, or pursuing this relationship with this person is in your highest best interest.

5. Try to accept your feelings It’s normal to have lots of ups and downs, and feel many conflicting emotions, including anger, resentment, sadness, relief, fear, and confusion. It’s important to identify and acknowledge these feelings. While these emotions can be painful, trying to ignore them will only prolong those feelings.

6. Although you want to express your feelings, try not to over think or dwell on them, which will keep you from moving on. Remind yourself that you still have your whole life ahead of you and try to visualize yourself feeling happy and healthy again.

7. Try to spend time with people who will be supportive and understand what you are going through. These can be a great source of support and also encouragement, they can remind you that you will have a good future and feel happy again.

8. Try to keep busy. Go out with friends, join a club or group, and take up a hobby you were always interested in. By staying busy, you will not have time to dwell on the sad feelings.

9. Make time to take care of yourself. When a person is feeling bad, it can be difficult for some to eat or sleep. For other they made turn to food and overeat or wish to stay in bed and sleep the day away. Make sure you do your best to take care of yourself and keep a healthy balance. Keeping healthy also means taking care of yourself emotionally, take time daily to meditate, journal or go for long walks, enjoy a bubble bath.

10. For some people there is safety in having a routine, if you are routine oriented, find a new routine that will not trigger memories of your partner and stick to it.

How To Know The Difference Between Mourning and Not Letting Go

So, how do you know the difference between mourning and not letting go? This is not an easy question to answer for anyone and could depend on how long the relationship was or how it ended and if there were any betrayals. But if your feeling depressed every day after 1 month and still thinking about the person constantly and wanting them back and feeling hurt, then you may have blocked yourself in some way from moving forward, or may need to work on forgiveness, loss of identity or loss of self-worth.

If you are finding many months go buy and you are having more than the odd moments, feelings and reminders that you have to process, or you feel that you are not coping well, are depressed or that  it is affecting your work, finances, children or other facets of your life then you might need to take a more active approach towards shifting your situation.

Try putting a time limit on your mourning process. Not the whole thing, as you will still have moments you may have to process and that is always ok.  But I'm talking about the feelings of major depression and loss. After that time period is up, give yourself permission to really act to find ways to enjoy life again, even if you have to fake it till you make it.  Try incorporating into your life some of the points under "How to find a new drive, a new sense of self-worth and a new sexy you".

Try also not to get too many readings either, it can turn people into unrequited love addicts or block the process of moving on if they end up waiting 1 or 2 years for a romantic partner to return.

How To Find A New Drive, A New Sense of Self Worth & A New And Sexy You

You may be over the grieving; this doesn’t mean you must meet someone new. For some people staying single for awhile is a healthy choice, but its always important to remain open... to know that you are worthy of finding ways to have fun, receive love and to feel sexy and vibrant in the world.

In order to find someone new sometimes you need to take the time to figure out what patterns you repeat in relationships, so that you can stop the cycle before you move into another relationship, for many people this takes times. Allow yourself this time. But at the same time, there are proactive things you can do so that you are not stuck in the negatives or overprocessing. Its important to allow time to simply enjoy life and yourself and to make a commitment to shifting your energy towards something positive.

Things you may want to consider doing to shift some of this energy are:

1. Start to dress so you feel attractive or even sexy. If you dont feel what you own reflects a new and vibrant you, then consider if you have the money, investing in some new clothes or even colors. Try wearing a pair of earrings that you haven’t wore in awhile but that you really like. When you feel good about the way you look, it shows and people are naturally attracted to someone who feels good about themselves.

2. Music is a wonderful way to connect with Joy and it is a wonderful way to exercise even if you simply do something as simple as turning your radio on and moving your body a bit while singing. Listen to upbeat music that is vibrant and fun.

3. Exercise is also a wonderful mood lifter, energy shifter (helps that "stuck" feeling" and energizer. It can also help self esteem and help you to feel more attractive and sexy. Sometimes it is hard to get in the mood to exercise but once you get in the flow, even if it is just taking a walk a day, you may find it becomes easier. Its not so much important how much you exercise but just to get a little movement into every other day apart from the 9 to 5 busy routine.

4. Socialize. One of the main blocks to moving forward I have noticed with women who are moving out of a break up and into a new energy is that many don't know where to go or what to do to meet people. This isn't just to meet a new partner but to form vibrant friendships at the same time. Friends are great help at offering encouragement and getting you out of the house. If you don't know where to meet people, try joining classes, groups or clubs that share similar interests.

5. Pamper yourself a bit. Buy yourself flowers or indulge in a massage or even just a bath. Treat you like you want to be treated.

6. Visualization. Even if you are not trying to meet someone new, visualization can be a very important tool to help you to feel whole again. Visualizations helping you to draw love to you, in unconditional or spiritual form can be very helpful. Sometimes one can also buy guided meditations that help one become more open to love in general. Another visualization is to visualize the love you want but without putting a face on it. This prevents you from attracting a past energy and allows you to create something fresh.

7. Try not to look back too much or dwell on past loves or wishing you could change them. That's an old energy and you are worthy to attract someone who doesn't need to be changed and loves you for you as well. When we don't let go of wanting to change what is past and keep holding in ourselves we want "ex" but without this this and that, then we open ourselves up to just attracting another ex in a different package that you get to want to fix again.

8. If looking for love again, ask your friends if they know of any upcoming parties that is always a good way to break into the singles world again. Ask your good friends if they know anyone who is single that you might get along with. If the are good friends they know enough about you to know if someone has potential.

9. Join a reputable dating service; it can be a way to meet someone new. At the very least it will give you some dates to practice your dating skills again.

10. Keep a journal where all you can write in it every day is how wonderful you are, how much love is flowing in your love (or the love that is going to be flowing) and just let all your emotions flow onto paper.

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